Five's a Crowd: Pt1
by The Occult Prophecy
Summary: Set after the 'Do Ya Thing' video (Phase 3). Rated T to be safe.


Disclaimer: I do not own Gorillaz (only my OC).

Five's a Crowd: Pt. 1

The Autobiography

Many remember the event to which the notoriously popular band, 'Gorillaz', debuted in 1998- and how their rise to glory had shaped the course of music for generations to come. Their unique style, talents and, well, intriguing attributes lead them to instant success- and through thick and thin, through kidnappings and near-death mishaps, the band have always managed to stand victorious, no matter what the circumstances entailed. Loyal fans may also recall the time, when the group had only four members- this all changed no doubt. A new figure was soon to take the stage, and their arrival would not only prove to be the turning point for the band, but the individual would also change the course of their already confusing lives. To those of you who are wondering who this mysterious 'fifth person' is, then look no further…for all will be revealed shortly.

The year was 2012. The exact date remains unknown, though it was sometime in March. It was also the year that the false statement of the 'end of the world' had been predicted to happen. After being evicted from their apartment in London, the group decided to spread their wings and travel to America. The journey there was less than appealing…

"We were delayed a day for our flight 'cause Murdoc had a load of alcohol yeah, an' then we found out that the next available flight was a week on Tuesday!" 2D explains, Murdoc looks over him and snickers "Yes, it was all my doing, aaahhh, can't beat 7 bottles of rum in an airport eh?" It seemed like they had a lot of waiting to do, but then fortune had appeared to have smiled on them. "Well, alot less fortune and more like 'Get out of our airport you tosser'" Murdoc begins "The staff over at Luton didn't like me much (can't understand why), so they just bundled us on the nearest plane they could find and off we went!" Even the flight wasn't all that grand, as the bassist elaborates "Apparently, because I was still as drunk as a skunk, the bastard cabin crew on the plane forcefully strapped me to a seat to make sure I wouldn't do anything ridiculous. ME? DO SOMETHING RIDICULOUS? Never. They even put a piss bucket on the floor so I could, well, ya know, relieve myself. The bastards, I sent a letter to Dispatches complaining 'bout them, still haven't got a word back, they're probably busy wanking or doing something stupid. And you thought Ryanair was bad?"

Indeed. Travelling to the US of A was no picnic, especially since the flight that they were on didn't even take them to the right place. "Yeah, we got sent to America, but it wasn't where we wanted ta go, it was somewhere in New Orleans eh heh, seems funny now I fink about it"

"It was anythin' but funny you moron!" Murdoc throws a book at 2D's head and he falls over "Nah we wanted to go to Miami ya know, where the beautiful people live heehehhheh, perrrrfect for me then huh?"

"No, you wanted to go to Amsterdam" Russel cuts in, and Murdoc glares at him "Who wouldn't want to go there?! It's got booze, babes and cocaine by the bucket full "

"Is that all you ever think about?"

"Sex, drugs and rock and roll baby, it's all in the package yeahhhh hmhmhmhm" Murdoc winks at him and Russel considers punching him in the face, but declines. When 2D asks why the flight sent them to New Orleans instead of Miami, Murdoc snidely responds "I already said! Luton shipped us off on a random flight! Did you skip preschool or somethin'?! It's like talkin' to Rainman". The only one who was oblivious to the upset, was Noodle "It was great!" she says while the others look at her in bewilderment. The four then spent a few solid hours trying to find suitable accommodation, this was made noticeably difficult by Murdoc's attempt to flirt with the local ladies, Noodle's incessant craving for ice lollies and 2D managing to get the group lost several times. Murdoc eventually hired a car, but that didn't help, as his driving was appalling.

Finally, the Gorillaz came across an abandoned, er, stripper club, which to any normal person would seem like a horrible place to stay. Murdoc disagrees "While I was driving, I spotted a cozy little retreat that looked like one heck of an opportunity, from the way I saw it there were no downsides; it was a comfortable size, in an ideal location. Plus I knew, well, 'cause it was abandoned I wouldn't have to pay f**k all really" Murdoc had his black heart set on the place, although the others weren't so fond of the idea. However, with a little persuasion, he managed to convince them otherwise "Ya can like it or f**k off!" he told them, with Russel holding his hands over Noodle's innocent ears. What could they do? They had no choice but to agree, it wasn't like they were going to find a motel anywhere nearby- and believe me, they had looked.

So it was settled. Their new home was decided, and Murdoc kept its former name "'The Smokin' Aces', WHAT a name eh? The majestic wonder of that place could make anyone drop their pants down and shag its brains out. Of course if it was called somethin' like 'The tit and cock' then I might have had to change the title, people could get the wrong idea ya know what I mean? Not that I'd mind though, ohehoeh" Russel, who is protecting Noodle's ears once more, says to the Satanist "Would you stop with the vulgar language already?! Noodle's here man!"

"Take her to a day care centre or somethin' I don't care"

"Murdoc, she's thirteen"

"Oh, right, buy her a magazine then, and piss off". After a few weeks spent rejuvenating the place and making themselves at home, the Gorillaz began to like their new base of operations. They felt that, for once, things were looking up…they spoke too soon. "We got a call from David Albarn sayin' our latest tracks were missing somthin', er I dunno some kinda spark was needed I didn't really pay attention to what 'e said, but it was along the lines of 'add a new member or we're done for'. Gorillaz?! DONE FOR?! I thought the sod had gone mad with all that time he spends in 'is room, so I told the jackass he could shove it up his backside- because there was NO WAY on earth I was letting a random lowlife waltz into my band" Too bad for Murdoc, that the other's had already began searching for that certain 'lowlife'. What followed was a series of ill-prepared auditions, where the Gorillaz came face to face with some interesting characters. Some were obsessive fans with mediocre talent, some were fans who had little or no knowledge in the general music genre, and some were just plain obsessive. One maniac even tried to kidnap 2D, and the singer reminds us that he's already experienced life as a hostage, and doesn't want to dwell there again. Days rolled by, and the Gorillaz still hadn't found the perfect person, as Russel relates "That's right, nobody that came to us truly stood out- well, there were some possible candidates but…well…Murdoc slept with most of them"

"And never called them back, ah, what a wonderful time that was hmmmhmhmhm"

"As for the rest, he scared them off"

"Whadaya mean 'scared them off'?! In my opinion they were all a bunch of faggots, couldn't take our rebellious ways, good riddance to 'em". Is it just me, or does this mirror the Paula Cracker and Rachel Stevens scandals? Ehem, moving swiftly along…

Time was running out. The pressure had already begun to show, and they were trying ever so desperately not to lose their minds to the ever increasing pessimism (if they had any sanity left that is). It was around this time that March had descended, and the person they were looking for was soon to arrive. You see, when Gorillaz first came to New Orleans, Russel- though acting gloomy- was secretly happy at their arrival, and the others could sense it. None of them understood why; no familiar faces or acquaintances were near that desolate place…or so they had thought. It wasn't until a particularly momentous day, where 2D and Noodle were sat watching television. "I dint like that day very much, Murdoc 'ad broke the remote an' left it on a whale program, but that's not all, right, the power jus' went out all of a sudden yeah, like one of those 'orror films, scary stuff…" What could be worse for the poor Stuart? Forced to witness a whale documentary, the power wasn't working, and all of the building was in complete darkness. 2D became increasingly agitated as soon as the door started to open "It was freaky I tell ya! The creak of the handle, the pounding footsteps, I fought I was in a Steven King novel! Then I fought it could be a burglar yeh, and I tried to find my baseball bat so when the lights would turn back on I'd whack 'em over the head" In a matter of moments, the power turned back on, and 2D in a blind panic knocked the intruder unconscious. What he forgot to do was look at the person before hitting them, as he continues "Horrible thing was dat the stranger wasn't a burglar, it was a girl! She didn't even 'av a mask or a gun or anythin'! Boy did I make a mistake, not to mention I got a scolding from Russel who was wiv 'er at the time". The Gorillaz weren't off to a great start, they were living in a former strip club with little company but their own, and a young woman was passed out on their living room floor. When the lady finally came around, she noticed a guilt stricken blue haired boy with a baseball bat, and an embarrassed drummer. This was not a good way to introduce the girl, to say the least. "I remember it well actually" she tells us "Russel wanted me to meet his band, but instead I was attacked by 2D and ended up surviving on medication for the next three hours".

This young lady is commonly known as Ellen Turain, a girl of barely 18 years of age. She tells us what her first impressions were of the band "I knew Russel longer than any of the others; he's like a brother to me, and an overprotective one at that. The first time I saw 2D he looked like a puppy that had been caught chewing the rug, bless him. I think Noodle was curious the first time she saw me and well, Murdoc, er, the first time we met I hit him in the jaw" Murdoc being Murdoc, he couldn't resist the urge to 'seduce' the unsuspecting female, but what he didn't expect was his jaw being the target of her disapproving fist. "After Russel did the introduction thing, I heard someone chuckling behind me and found Murdoc reaching for my arse. So I did what any vulnerable girl would do, I punched him in the face". But what did her arrival mean? What purpose did it serve? Russel reveals why, at that very moment, he decided to introduce her to the group "I didn't want her to get involved in the past 'cause of Murdoc's behavior with women, but when another band member was needed, I knew she had talent- so I brought her in…unfortunately it didn't go the way I wanted" However, Murdoc scoffed at the idea of Ellen being in Gorillaz "From the start, he didn't fink she was very good, which was a bit unfair considerin' he never actually heard 'er audition" 2D mentions. It was clear that Ellen and the bassist weren't going to get along, but we'll get on to that later…

Born and raised in Rotherham, England, Ellen Turain ('El' or 'Ellie' for short) was born to a doting, if a bit eccentric, family. Her mother (a school teacher) and her father (a steelworker) have two other children; one boy and girl- all of them, to put it bluntly, are COMPLETELY BONKERS. Her life growing up was fairly ordinary, though it all changed one day, when a trip to America got out of hand. "I came here originally to visit a friend, but instead of staying for a few weeks, it lasted a bit longer than I planned" 6 months longer, in fact. But this wasn't when she met Russel "We go WAY back, I met him in 2009, we've been close ever since" As mentioned earlier, she had been living in the USA for 6 months- living life on the wild side with her equally wild friends "They're more insane than wild, like me really". At this point, Russel introduced her to Gorillaz. He believed that with her special talent, she had what it took. So what was her talent? "I've always loved heavy metal" Ellen begins "One day I was having a jam session with my mates; we played 'Psychosocial' by Slipknot, and I sung. I guess it was genetic, my brother's in to that kind of thing too" In fact his voice was so extreme, she says, that he could break a wine glass by screaming at it. Murdoc was less than convinced "'Total rubbish' I recall him saying". After she thwarted his advances when they met, he wanted nothing to do with her, and persuaded Damon Albarn to keep searching. Yet Russel didn't give up, and she accepted his offer to live with them for a trial period- to Murdoc's chagrin. One could describe their relationship as…well…difficult. "Punching, kicking, swearing, attempted stabbing, those were some of the things we got up to, yeah, it was great" Murdoc comments, and Ellen rubs her head in frustration. Yes, they hated, no, loathed each other- taunting, teasing, fighting, there was always one of them trying to outdo the other. "I can still remember the time he put this weird stuff in my shampoo without me knowing" Ellen begins "In the end, half of my hair looked like vomit!" It wasn't all childish, some situations got overboard "She kicked me hard in the bollocks once, so I decided to mess with the shower temperature, puttin' it on full whammy- after that she 'ad burn marks for a week"

"And I repaid him kindly by breaking his arm" Ellen growls. These kinds of shenanigans lasted for quite some time, and Murdoc was determined to find another candidate, whilst making her life miserable in the process "Ever heard of that Florence and the Machine song 'Kiss with a Fist'? Yup, we were like that, still are in a lot of ways" Ellen begrudgingly states. After many unsuccessful attempts to find a replacement, Murdoc had an ingenious plan "Nah Ellen didn't like me at all back then, feelin' was mutual, but then I thought 'What fun would it be if she stayed for good?'. I could get a few laughs tormenting her; she obviously didn't enjoy my company heheh, so I let her join the band, and I watched as the fireworks began" Ellen was forced to live there for the rest of her days, to Murdoc's consistent amusement- she wasn't happy at all. A few times the poor girl even tried to escape, to no avail. "I felt like-"

"Like a Jew in a concentration camp?"

"Shut it reptile breath"

"Ooooooooooh nice insult, did it take you what, 5 hours to practice?"

"Gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm gonna f**king kill you"

We can't show the rest of this conversation, as it gets quite violent.

However, her days with the Gorillaz weren't all that bad. She quickly made friends with the rest of the group, to her surprise she had more in common with them then she thought. "Ellie-Chan is my BBIIIIGGGG sister! She loves Japanese culture and we play on 'Rock Band' a lot!" Noodle squeals cheerfully, and 2D chips in "Yeh, an' we always watch tons of 'orror films like 'Saw 3' and 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre', I 'av to hide behind cushions sometimes- they really freak me out". Obviously this wasn't the same with Murdoc, he didn't even let her sing in the tracks "I was furious" Russel says "'Why would I let a skank like you do the vocals? Just sit there, and try to look decent without breakin' any mirrors' he said. Of course she was pissed, I don't blame her!" In retaliation, Ellen destroyed all of Murdoc's alcohol, and then he broke her leg. "I was sick of 'em actin' like thugs, I knew one day one of 'em was gonna get hurt bad" Russel wasn't all that inaccurate, instead of one being hurt, both were injured- and it wasn't pretty. The details are too graphic to be specified, long story short; Murdoc pushed Ellen down the stairs after she ran him over with his own Winnebago. Both ended up in A&E. "Ellen's back was broken an' Murdoc had fractures all over the place! I-it w-was horrible!" 2D stutters.

As you can imagine, the producers had enough, and made them settle out their differences and form a truce. It didn't really work, not even a restraining order could stop their brutality. Ah well, at least it stopped them from killing each other- barely.

So there you have it, Gorillaz had a fifth member (well- if you could call her that at the time), Murdoc had an arch nemesis, and Russel is probably wishing he didn't bring her to the madhouse in the first place. Little did they know, that more challenges were to come their way…

Oh, and they would make more albums.


End file.
